I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
