I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
