I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
