Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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