Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vagina is officially offended.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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