At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
