she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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