Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still dying that you shit outside
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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