Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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