Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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