Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
only if we run a train.
done.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
