my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
