i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
