So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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