A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dicks are not precious.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
