i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
