saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
