Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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