How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
