dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
