Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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