So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
