Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
