Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You smell like stripper and shame
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
