"it" just moved
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
