her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
