Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
