i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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