***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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