Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
