and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
