I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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