She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
