I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
