My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like eating out sand paper
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Still dying that you shit outside
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
