I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I believe in your delicious
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
