You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
