Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
