We're like a lot better than the average bears
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
