look no pants
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
