My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
