guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
