i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
