"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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