Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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