That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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