watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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