I heard we made out
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
