I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
