you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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