Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
