I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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