Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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