Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
