lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
