Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
