Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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