I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
