Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
