if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want you more than these girls want KFC
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
