It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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