I'm gonna have a badass scar
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
