the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
