i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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