at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
