I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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