Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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