So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
