it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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